I just don't have the stress-angst necessary for my usual bitter sarcasm. Life is just too good right now.
Of course, there's a dissenting area of my brain right now (mom and dad always wondered, often aloud, why I was so frickin' argumentative all the time. Here's your answer, mom and pop; my brain is constantly arguing with ME. I'm just translating the internal monologue into external conversation). This area is whispering to me that life always WAS good, I was just too busy being stressed and whiny to notice.
Really, let's look at this logically (famous last words). Even though I had no car, I obviously had friends that loved me enough to never leave me rideless when I really needed it. There was a spectacular four-week span during which I could only work weekends and was rideless and mostly housebound during the week. That was probably one of the most depressing chunks of my life, but through it all I had loving friends who bent over backward to get me out of the house whenever possible, often to their own detriment.
And let's not forget another VERY important fact: I learned what it meant to fully rely on God. Nothing was stable. I was not assured of any income in my rideless state. My family is hundreds of miles away, might as well be light years sometimes. I have, during the nine-month course of all this, developed a massive guilt complex and during my worst moments I was sure that no matter what they said, my friends were growing sick of me and wouldn't stick with me much longer. All that I could be certain of was that Jesus loves me, that God was my helpmeet, and that all this was part of His plan. I came to Him for everything because I had NO recourse. Some days it took His grace and mercy just to give me the motivation to get out of bed.
I say this not to evoke a sense of self-pity, but to underline my gratitude to the One who got me through these times. My Jesus cared on the days when I was too heartsick and hope-starved to give a flying flaming unicorn poot in space. My Jesus was strong on the days I was weak as water, joyful in my depression, and hopeful in my despair.
Even in the last days when I spent most of my time chasing Corrie with a box of tissues and sniffling because I was too volatile to be left unattended (like a cooking omelette...filled with TNT), Jesus stayed by my side, and occasionally gave me a little nudge to ensure that I knew He was still watching.
Jesus: Hey, I've got this.
Me: But...but....STRESS!
Jesus:....did you not hear what I just said? I've GOT this.
Me: Is that what you had said?
Jesus: YES, that's what I HAD SAID.
So now, with a reliable car that by any reasonable standard I should not have the keys to, a steady job that I love in a town so precious I just want to stick it in my pocket, and friends that, despite my depressed self-assurances to the contrary, seem to have survived Hurricane Erin just fine and may even still think I'm nifty.
So ya see, nothing has really changed. I was blessed with a car, true. But God blessed me yesterday, last week, and last month. He will continue to bless me tomorrow, a year from now, and for the rest of my life. The fact that I got what I wanted today doesn't change the fact that He has blessed me, is blessing me, and will continue to bless me. It doesn't mean He loves me any more than He did during my trials. "My" car is just a tool to carry out His work.
Enough seriousness!
Yesterday I got pee in my eye.
Only I would have enough genius to get urine in my eyeball. To add insult to injury, I was in the middle of telling a new nurse that I was showing how to change the Foley bag that this particular procedure carried the risk of urine splashing when the tubes popped apart and sprayed me.
"Now you want to be really careful while you're disconnecting the two tubes, because they can very easily...*POP! SPLOOSH!* .................Do that."
The patient became concerned. "Did you get...hit?"
"In my eyes."
After I literally finished the procedure with my eyes closed, I left the room unceremoniously to summon the DON and flush my eyeballs.
Long story short, I had to throw away my last pair of contact lenses and bum a ride from the administrator to obtain my glasses from Lisa. Then I had to go to the ER.
No kidding.
Four hours of waiting in an emergency waiting room full of sick kids wasn't all bad, cause playing with kids is fun, but I feel bad for missing more than half of my shift. Still, as one friend put it:
"You got peed on last night. That should hold off karma for a few days."
True.
You know, lately Trippy the Cat has been getting into the "HI IT'S TIME TO PET ME WOW WHAT IS THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN PETTING ME?" behaviors. I would like to put a stop to it for simple practicality's sake, but it's actually kinda sweet to know my cat wants quality time with me.
I am very pleasantly drowsy right now. Hence, bed!
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us through Christ Jesus, to Him be the glory and honor and power forever. Amen.
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