Shut up! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!

I feel the time has come to explain a very integral part of my existence. This is "Need to know" information for anyone that plans to be around me. My best friends know this, although not in such terms, and my family just tries to work around these facts as best they can. This was spawned by a conversation with someone who will remain unnamed, who said that my blog background was too muted and needed to be more brightly colored to suit my personality. This person also jokingly suggested a screenshot from a First Person Shooter for a background. Then I started thinking. I had a friend in college that used to tell me the only time I ever cried was when my gun ran out of bullets. I've also had people tell me that I need to grow a tougher skin, because I'm way too sensitive. I've had people tell me that I have huge amounts of common sense, and others tell me that I'm a genius with NO common sense. Some see me as chronically depressed, while others see me as endlessly optimistic and too stinkin' cheerful all the time.
There is a reason for this. While none or all of these perceptions may be correct, there is a logical and relatively sane explanation for their occurance.

I have three personalities. There are probably more lurking around down there, but the top three float to the surface more than anyone else. They are the only three with names. For the lowdown on each of them, keep reading. If you know me at all, my behavior will make so much more sense by the time you're finished, and none of the information will surprise you. All these guys blend together to make the person you know as Erin.

Nurse Erin: Cheerful, compassionate, competent, and professional, Nurse Erin acts exactly as her name would indicate. She carries sunbeams in her pockets and pulls them out whenever necessary. She loves glitter and rainbows and has a deep East Texas accent. Nurse Erin rarely gets mad, but when she does the accent disappears, and you'll never see the bullet coming. Then she will probably laugh about the whole thing and go back to making paper dolls to pin up in someone's room. Her biggest weakness is over-sensitivity to the disapproval of others, because Nurse Erin wants everyone to like her. Nurse Erin loves hugging people, braiding their hair, and giving them narcotics that will make them giggle and talk to the marshmallow pandas and blueberry pirates swimming through their bedclothes. If you see me giving you medical advice, asking about your symptoms, or listening to someone's tale of woe, that's Nurse Erin. Overexposure to her sweetness can cause diabetic symptoms from glucose overload. Nurse Erin likes watching What Not To Wear and cartoons. Her weapon of choice is a down pillow and a smile.

Pickles: Succinctly put, Pickles has Tourette's Syndrome. Pickles has no control over what's going to come out of her mouth from one moment to the next. She is mostly responsible for some of my more famous blogs, especially on the POC site. She likes random trivia, and usually makes me watch shows like How It's Made, National Geographic, and Whose Line Is It Anyway? Jeff Dunham, Bill Cosby, and Ellen Degeneres are her big influences. Pickles also likes reading webcomics. A lot. Pickles comes out when I am bored, and the boring quickly dissolves in the burning sphere of her death-ray-like sassery. In the span of 24 hours, Pickles can publish a novel, read through three years worth of webcomic archives, and beat Barbara Bush in a drinking contest. Her weapon of choice is a melon baller and a flame thrower.

ERIN: Necessarily spelled with all capitals, ERIN is the "dark side" that everyone has but so few people know how to properly embrace without allowing it to take over. ERIN doesn't hate everything. She just thinks everything is stupid. When ERIN comes out, she usually goes to Pickles for one-liners, necessarily staying in the dark corner painting her fingernails black muttering under her breath about idiots reproducing willy-nilly. ERIN can swing a bat like nobody's business, but prefers to eviscerate you with her rapier wit, causing you to doubt your value, gender, and heritage, until you go beat YOURSELF with a bat. ERIN is the one that cries when her gun runs out of bullets, because she just knows that some MORON is gonna get away while she's reloading, and isn't that just the way it ALWAY'S friggin' works? You get rolling on a project, and just when real progress begins, you run out of friggin' bullets!

So there it is. Surprised? I doubt it. There are many more facets to my psyche, but they're all undeveloped and too small to be let out on their own. They usually require supervision of one of the three major personalities, and don't speak very loudly.

Anyhow, I'm bored with this now, so from each of my inner voices, bye-bye, hasta la tata, and go away, respectively.