Rest Easy

One more mile 'til I lay rest
I have put myself through this rigid test
But the mile is neverending
No distance has been gained
I do not see greatness
I wanted to obtain
Where is my embrace
From the race that I have run?
I've kept a steady pace
But still I have not won....
-"Rest Easy"- Audio Adrenaline
I believe that God is in control. He keeps all things perfectly ordered, and lets not one of us slip through His fingers. Not even a sparrow falls without His knowledge. I know He'll work all of this out for the good.
But I'm so tired.
I'm completely out of fight. I could barely get out of bed today. I feel like a well-accepted circus freak so often. What I am is not normal. I may live under a deeper umbrella of graciousness, but there is a need there also for respite.
Normal people do not have to have two handfuls of pills every day, one handful scheduled, and one handful just to kill the pain. Normal people can type a paragraph without falling asleep three times. Normal people don't have to worry about vomiting on themselves at church.
I suppose somewhere along the way, God decided that I was worthy of giving a little extra sum'in-sum'in to. If that's so, then I, with God's grace upon me, can handle whatever Satan, that old dragon, can throw at me.

I suppose I should share the reason for this tirade.
The new job I got, the one that fell into my lap so beautifully, fell apart on thursday. The nurse I was hired to replace apparently isn't leaving. Now, here's the interesting part. My boss told me,
"My husband and I love you. There's something about you-you belong here. I really want you working for us." So she promised to call me every couple of days and let me know what she has for me.

God, I'm ready and willing to submit to Your will. You make no wrong moves, and You hold me tenderly in the palm of Your hand, but if it wouldn't be too much to ask, could you make something miraculous happen here?

If not, it would be just great if You could refresh me. I'm dying here. Only You can fix this whining, quivering mess for Your glory.